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Community associations often deal with upset homeowners. Sometimes the issues are small, like a neighbor’s barking dog. Other times, the problems are bigger, like unpaid assessments or rule violations. No matter the situation, if it is not handled well, it can quickly escalate and get worse—and even lead to a lawsuit, which will likely be expensive, as well as unnecessary, for everyone involved.
The good news is that there are tools that help calm people down and solve problems before they go too far. Bill Eddy, co-founder of the High Conflict Institute, has developed two simple methods that can help tremendously: BIFF and EAR. These tools are easy to learn and use, and they work well for both board members and managers who want to handle conflicts with homeowners in a respectful and effective way. This article explains how to reduce anger and de-escalate conflicts with homeowners with the ultimate goal of avoiding a lawsuit.
Clear and Respectful Communications to Calm Conflicts – BIFF and EAR
BIFF stands for Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm. It is a method for responding to upset or angry (i.e., high conflict) emails, letters, or conversations that keeps the conflict from growing. When someone is angry, it is very easy to get pulled into an argument. But a BIFF response avoids that.
A brief response gets straight to the point. Long replies often include unnecessary details that can trigger more arguments. A BIFF response keeps things short and simple, which helps calm the situation. Informative means sharing useful facts, not opinions or emotions. Instead of defending yourself or the association or blaming the other person, try explaining the relevant rules or what the association is doing about the issue. This approach should help the homeowner focus on the facts instead of their frustration. Friendly means using a respectful and kind tone, even if the other person is upset. A calm, polite tone shows that you are not there to fight; it builds trust and makes it easier to work to solve the problem. Firm means setting clear boundaries. You don’t need to argue or give in—you just need to clearly state the decision or next steps, without sounding angry. Firm doesn’t mean harsh. It means confident and steady.
EAR stands for Empathy, Attention, and Respect. It is a way to talk to people when they are upset – about anything. People in conflict often want most to feel heard and understood. EAR helps you do that without agreeing with everything they say.
Empathy means showing that you understand the person’s feelings. You do not have to agree with their complaint to show empathy. Simply saying, “I hear what you’re saying” and “I can see why you’re upset,” or “That does sound frustrating,” is a great start to the conversation. Attention means giving the person your full focus—listening without interrupting or getting defensive. Just listening calmly often helps people calm down on their own. When someone feels as if no one is listening, they often get louder and more upset. Respect means treating the other person with dignity, even if/when they are being rude. General rules of manners and politeness can go a long way. Saying “Thank you for sharing your concerns” or “I respect your point of view,” can show you care about the person, even when you disagree with what they are saying.
Using EAR often makes people feel safe enough to talk instead of argue and fight. It builds trust and shows that the association wants to solve problems, not just enforce rules.
Solving Problems Early: Preventing Lawsuits and Building Community
The earlier a problem is addressed, the easier it will be to solve. Small issues that are ignored can grow into big problems. When people feel ignored or disrespected, they are more likely to take legal action. That is why using BIFF and EAR early on can be important.
Another key tip is to keep good communication going, even when there are no problems. Send regular updates, newsletters, or friendly messages that show the board is active and cares about the community. When people feel informed and respected, they are more likely to come to the HOA with their concerns before they explode.
Associations can also stay ahead of conflict by teaching board members and managers these tools in training sessions. The more people who use BIFF and EAR, the stronger and calmer the whole community becomes. And that means fewer angry emails, fewer meetings that turn into arguments, and ultimately, fewer lawsuits.
Keep the Peace and Protect Your Community
Dealing with conflict is part of life in any community, but it does not have to lead to courtrooms and chaos. By using the BIFF and EAR methods, associations, board members, and community managers can calm angry homeowners, solve problems early, and build stronger relationships.
These tools are not hard to learn. They just take practice and a commitment to respectful communication. When you respond in a way that is Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm—and show Empathy, Attention, and Respect—you create a space where people feel heard and respected. That is how good communities stay strong.
For more information about BIFF, EAR, or the High Conflict Institute please visit the High Conflict Institute’s website at www.HighConflictInstitute.com.